Another brief one. Wading back into this. I just have some things I want to get out of my head. Journaling does that for me. Reifies the thought. Captures the anxiety.
This weekend was great. Honestly was. Quality family time - a wholly foreign concept for me - involving Jackbox games. Quality relationship time, with a lot of casual company time. Not a lot of cooking time, but that’s fine. Red Dead is an immaculate piece of art. Evocative in a way that I haven’t ever experienced. Immersive in a dangerous capacity. I started getting so immersed that I could feel myself acting as though it really was me in that world. I was able to let go that hard. Roleplay, as it were. Rockstar alone has the power to make products that satisfy that itch, it seems. Amazing.
I’m not looking on work tomorrow as much as lamenting as I do with regret. I turned 23 this last weekend and it put me in a funky headspace. I haven’t achieved what I know I can. It makes me question the foundation for knowing that so firmly. I look on other creators and see that they’re my age or younger. Generation X. They’re already achieving some of my own dreams. The concept of ‘the big break’ is antiquated, in my view. Entrepreneurship is the theme of young success. Gaming for a break is, in effect, throwing effort at the wrong chemistry system. Apply that same work to building your own product, not getting a spot in someone else’s.
.. but it just feels like I need to find that tipping point. Something that snowballs. Something that yields.
I don’t know what that is, but I hope I know it when I see it. I’m probably not smart enough for that.